Getting to No

"Principled negotiation is a strategy that seeks to move both parties away from polarizing and usually entrenched positions, and into the realm of interests. It asks how both parties can get their interests satisfied while keeping their relationship strong. Negotiating well means neither party need feel cheated, manipulated, or taken advantage of...

"[Autonomy is] one of five "core concerns" Shapiro's research identifies as critical in creating disputes and finding resolution. He defines autonomy as a person's freedom to make decisions for himself.

"The other core concerns are appreciation, or having actions acknowledged; affiliation, being treated as a colleague; status, feeling that others respect one's standing; and having roles and activities that are fulfilling. Cross one of the needs and conflict arises. Respect them, and compromise is around the corner.

"The most important element of effective negotiation is preparation, preparation, preparation... Advises Shapiro: 'Take those core concerns and write them on a piece of paper. Figure out which of them are being violated for you and for the other person.'

Listen First

"'There's a saying among negotiators that whoever talks the most during a negotiation loses,' says Bobby Covic, author of Everything's Negotiable! Being the first one to listen is crucial to building trust. Just getting the listening part of a negotiation right can satisfy many of the core concerns Shapiro cites.

"However, listening—really paying attention to what the other person has to say—is hard. Gregorio Billikopf, a negotiator for the University of California system, offers several good listening practices:

Sit Down...
Find Common Ground
Transition to the problem...
Move In...
Keep Your Cool...
Be Brief...
Avoid Empty Threats...
Get to 'No'
If you never hear "no," when you negotiate, you haven't asked for enough."

Read more in an article from Psychology Today from which the foregoing was excerpted, by following this link: http://psychologytoday.com/articles/index.php?term=pto-4253.html


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