Dealing with Negotiation Mind Games

"Most of us think of negotiation as a purely rational exercise. The reality is just the opposite. Personality, emotions and strategic moves play a large role in most negotiations and can be responsible for the success or failure to reach agreement. Mind games can also play out behind the scenes so that negotiating your relationship with the other side, including your legitimacy and credibility, can play as large a part as what is going on in the main negotiating event. Thus is it important to learn how to “hold your own” in difficult negotiations and with “difficult people”.

Below are set out just some of the ways to become a more successful and effective negotiator when dealing with mind games.

1. Preparation...Learn to prepare in a way that allows you to anticipate how the negotiation will go, where obstacles will arise and what information you need from the other side...

2. Increased Awareness. This includes being aware not only of how you react to conflict but also how the other side reacts...The importance of this is that you will be able to convey information to other persons in a way that suits them, predict what will frustrate them during the negotiation, and generally be better able to understand their interests and goals...

3. Strategies. Not only is it important to know what types of negotiating strategies are available, you also need to know when to use them...What happens when different negotiation strategies meet is also important to know. Of course, selecting the most appropriate strategy is the first step, knowing how to implement it is the next.

4. Effective Communication Skills...By communication skills we mean not only what we say and what we ask but also, and perhaps more importantly, how we listen to the other side. Knowing the elements of successful communication such as the structure of the message, delivery style, the type of language used, body language, impressions and biases, will greatly assist you in negotiating better...

5. Emotions...Sometimes dealing appropriately with...emotions...is best achieved by...maintaining emotional distance...in other circumstances, it may be best to make the emotions explicit and acknowledge them...

6. Difficult People and Heavy Subjects...There are different ways and techniques of dealing with difficult people depending on the problematic behavior...Each one requires knowing how to stay in control and conscious of what you are doing to avoid automatically reacting to the other side...

7. Tactics and Strategic Moves...Most tactics are based on manipulation and used with competitive strategy. However, almost all of them are ineffective once they have been exposed. Strategic moves are more complicated and are not based on manipulating the other side or putting them at a disadvantage. Using empathy, stepping to the other side of the table, active listening, and reframing are all strategic moves that enhance the chance of a win/win agreement and do not harm relationships.

8. Hidden Agendas. It is important to understand that there are a whole array of hidden attitudes and agendas that drive the negotiations as much as the explicit differences over the issues. Before you reach a good agreement these masked assumptions and unvoiced views must be brought to the surface...Culture is another area where hidden agendas arise. By learning more about, and becoming more conscious of these hidden agendas and the masked assumptions that are just “behind the scenes” in many negotiations, you will become a more effective and successful negotiator."

Read more in this article by Delee Fromm.

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