Core Concerns Lead to Personal Conflict

Autonomy or the freedom to make decision's for oneself is one of five "core concerns" research identifies as critical in creating personal disputes. "The other core concerns are appreciation, or having actions acknowledged; affiliation, being treated as a colleague; status, feeling that others respect one's standing; and having roles and activities that are fulfilling. Cross one of the needs and conflict arises. Respect them, and [resolution] ...is around the corner...

Principled negotiation is a strategy that seeks to move both parties away from polarizing and usually entrenched positions, and into the realm of interests. It asks how both parties can get their interests satisfied while keeping their relationship strong. Negotiating well means neither party need feel cheated, manipulated, or taken advantage of."

So states this Psychology Today article. To get from here to there, the article suggests:

"Sit Down
This signals to the other person that time will be spent to hear their side. Never ask someone to talk if there isn't enough time to listen.

Find Common Ground...
Move In
Leaning in to the conversation indicates interest. Head nods also help in letting the other side know their thoughts are being followed...

Keep Your Cool...
Be Brief...
Forget Neutrality
Trying to control your emotions usually backfires...Instead, mine the situation to find whatever positive emotions can be brought to the table...

Avoid Empty Threats...
Don't Yield
Caving on important issues may seem noble...but it ruins a relationship...Instead, look for compromises. Compromise is like stretching. Stop doing it and pretty soon there's no way to bend at all..."